Not As Much..

Thursday: the feelings of anxiety have returned with a force that is threatening to knock me over. I awoke at about three in a cold sweat and did not return to sleep until the sun was peeping over the horizon. I feel sad and alone and trapped inside my skin which is prickly and itchy. What to do?

It frustrates me that I feel this way. There is no reason for me to feel like this. My life is good.I am dwelling on stupid things again. Such as contracting terminal disease, side affects of the drug (which I stupidly looked on Internet about when someone mentioned there were some very serious ones) There were heaps of sites about how dangerous the drug and the very serious side affects. why do I do it to myself? I should have known better but it was compulsive, I was drawn to the web. Like there was some type of pay off seeing bad news which I had already told myself was true.

Friday: I have had a complete melt down. In the car on a freeway and I had a huge panic attack. I automatically assumed I was dying. The next few hours were the worst I have ever felt. I was out of control and very scared.

Turns out that this all is quite common reaction to the drug I am on, only no one told me. Should I stop the drugs? All who know say not just take some sedatives to ride over this bump. in other words take more drugs to cover up what this one is doing to you. So I take the sedative and it makes me feel less anxious but like I ve been run over by a bus.

Saturday , a little better than Friday, Sunday a little better than Saturday and today better than all the days before.

I have decided to take one day at a time. I am going to see this through to the end knowing it is the way forward…… I think

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