The real me
The wind in the trees outside this room where I sit reminds me that the unseen is just as real as those things visible to the eye
I was sharing with someone the other day that I have recently been diagnosed with an anxiety/depression disorder which I have had for some time. This person exclaimed “but you are the last person I would have thought to struggle with depression you seem so together”. What this person couldn’t see was inside my brain. Inside the happy, caring, friendly exterior is a scared, lonely sad little girl. I know I am 32 but I feel like a lost little girl most of the time. I have been encouraged to explore this inner unseen person, acknowledge that she exists and learn to work with the way she sees the world.
How many of us are living with an unseen personality that we are to afraid to acknowledge exists even to those who we trust and love?
My therapist (yes I am “in therapy”) wants me to stand in front of the mirror and chant ” I am ok I am just sad and scared right now but I am ok” I know this sound like psychobabble and I am not really into that type of stuff but I do see her point.
Is there anything wrong with being scared and sad? why do we persist in the belief that these two emotions should not exists and therefore we suppress them choosing instead to smile, pull our socks up and push on. I know all about pushing on I did it for years- doesn’t work.
Today I make a resolve to not ignore my self any longer. If I feel sad, I will cry, if happy I will laugh, if angry I will find a way to vent that anger. I will rejoice during the the good days and be kind to myself during the bad. And, if I am scared I will be scared knowing that I am OK. That in the end I am still me. I will still be friendly, caring and loving I just wont be so together.